I'm moving!

Exciting news..... I'm moving! 

Digitally. I have a nice new living room on the internet and I would love for you to be the first to visit. 

The name is changed and I think it's much prettier but it's still me- same truth, same rambling... Hopefully not the same sporatic time between blogs! I commit to not wait 17 months in between posts. I like to aim high. 

There is a follow up to last Thursday waiting for you to read. Head on over to my new home- everydaytruth.ca and I hope you enjoy and will stick around! From now on I'll be blogging over there. 

The Day She Refused to Obey

There are a few things in my life that have brought me to my knees in a particularly desperate way: my dad’s fatal diagnosis and battle with ALS, marriage and most recently, parenting toddlers.

Particularly the one that is a mini version of me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love her to pieces. She is incredibly bright, thoughtful, caring, spunky and kind. She also has an iron-clad stubborn, strong will that drives me to levels of crazy. We are currently working on the concept of cooperation (making it easy for mommy to do her job) which she is great at when she sees and understands a logical reason to be.  

Last Thursday was one of those days. We were at her local preschool sports class (session 4 of 6) waiting for the teacher to call them in. She got dressed in her new exercise pants, packed her gym shoes and water bottle in her backpack and seemed ready to roll.

The teacher opened the door and all the preschoolers except one excitedly ran in.

Enjoying the fun on the first day of class

I tried coaxing. I joined for a bit. I went in with her. I talked about what a fun time the kids were having. I asked what was wrong and why she was feeling shy. The teacher tried inviting her in multiple times. I pointed out that money had been paid for this class. There were only 3 more. I offered ice cream or a Timbit afterward.

Nothing. 

She stood beside me silently refusing to participate. For some unknown reason, she had made up her mind and nothing seemed to be changing it. 20 minutes of the 45 minute class ticked by. Good cop was failing.My compassion was quickly shifting to frustration. 

Then I switched gears. I calmly explained to her that I had asked her to play and she was choosing to disobey. I explained the consequences that would ensue if she continued to choose to disobey and we had to go home early. She listened and then looked me straight in the eye and said, “Okay, let’s go home,”

I tried to absorb my shock as I was forced to swallow my pride and exit the gym with my obstinate child, past all the other moms whose children were happily participating.

All I could think was, this wasn't supposed to go like this. Maybe the rewards didn't help but the consequences were supposed to deter you from this. 

Off we went back to the van, back across town and back home. I may have been a tad angry at the outcome but mostly pleading, Lord help me. Where is the manual when you need it? 

Fun on the first day!

Once home, she went straight to her room and complied with all of the consequences her choice had invited. I followed through on every one. 

When it was all said and done and she was lying in bed ready for her nap, I sat down next to her and asked, “How do you feel right now?”

Her reply was, “Sad.” 

I said, “Me too.”

I asked her, “Do you believe that mommy loves you and wants what is best for you? Do I want to keep you safe and healthy? Does mommy love to see you have fun?” She nodded yes to all of those things.

We talked about her class. I told her that she had missed out on a chance to have fun. I reminded her that she always enjoys herself and gets to exercise. She missed stretching like a pizza and getting her smiley sticker at the end. She missed playing with her friend and some of her favorite games. I told her that usually I take a picture of her having fun and send it to daddy so he can see her enjoying her class.

Today everyone missed out.

As a parent, I want to teach her to obey her dad and I (consistent with the command in Ephesians 6:1) so that one day she will obey God. I want her to trust us, our love for her, and that we have her best interests at heart so that one day she will trust God, His love, and that His desires for her are best. The alternative is to personally experience all of the painful consequences of sin. As a loving parent, I hope and pray that is not the case.

That day in particular, she didn’t follow my instructions. It wasn't only that she didn't obey me but she missed out on what was best. She experienced the natural and undesirable consequences of disobedience.

My hope and prayer is that as she experiences some of the smaller natural consequences of disobedience, she will grow in trust and desire to obey her dad and I, so that when it comes to the big things of much greater consequence, she will take our word for it. 

More importantly, I pray that when it comes to decisions of permanent consequence, she will be in the habit of taking God's word and using His standard to make her decisions.

That truth is often easy to miss. God is for us, He loves us and wants what is best. That is the motivation behind his commands. We can easily get caught up in thinking that what we want in the moment is best and completely miss the fact that He- the creator of everything, the One who understands how all things work, the one who loves us unceasingly, actually has a reason behind the things He commands. He knows how it ends up, and He wants what is best. 

I was putting her to bed that night and we talked about Ephesians 6:1 and how God wants children to obey their parents. He put parents in charge of kids to teach them and take care of them.

I asked if there was anything she wanted to tell God she was sorry for. This was her prayer:

“Dear God, please forgive me for disobeying you and not listening to my mommy. And help me to sleep in peace and joy-ness. Amen.”

I realized that something else happened. Her disobedience provided an opportunity to be convicted, to repent, and to experience forgiveness. She had an opportunity to see her need for Jesus, because like me, she doesn’t always obey, and often thinks she can do it on her own. 

I hope that she and I both continue to grow in our trust of God and His ways and in our dependence on Jesus.

As a parent you often wonder if you got it right or failed miserably. Tomorrow is Thursday again so I will know by 11:00 AM if the lesson stuck. And feel free to pray at 10:15 that it did when session #5 begins! 

The Choices We Make

When my husband and I were engaged, I distinctly remember him promising me that once we were married he would give me a massage every night before we went to sleep. I looked forward to this with blissful expectation.

Don't get me wrong, my hubby loves me, serves me and is far more wonderful to me than I deserve, but, as you probably guessed, that pre-wedding promise of every single night didn't make it out of the starting gates.

When I was thinking about marriage, my priority wasn't to find someone who made me the most promises. I knew my young self fairly well, and I knew the kind of character I was looking for in a man. We've been married just over 8 years (most of those happily) and we've been able to survive many of those less significant undelivered promises because of the greater picture.

This past spring I became as my husband would say obsessively interested in the provincial election. The massive change that took place was fascinating in itself but what I was particularly interested in was how people seemed to be coming to a decision.

While chatting with my favourite teacher friend and social studies expert, I asked her, when you're teaching high school students about politics, do you teach them to vote based on party, platform or person?

She said after convincing them to vote at all, they typically show them the political spectrum and have them determine where they fall on it with their personal beliefs. After they've determined their own political identity, they then introduce the parties and have them determine who they align with the most. From there they discuss platforms and more specifics.

Her personal response was, "I will always vote (insert party) because that is what I am. I am a (insert party-ist)."

As the provincial election was approaching, I myself was feeling a little overwhelmed by the differing platforms, Facebook posts and news stories.

I kept hearing "time for change" so I went on Vote Compass. I typed in my answers to fifteen or so questions about the platforms, and then the website told me who I should vote for, I was especially interested when the answer was a party that I would not have aligned myself with.

For the past provincial election, it seemed like platform was a popular way to vote. I had a few conversations with people who said something like, I voted based on what the parties said they would do for healthcare and education. When the results came back and the news started predicting what would happen with a now socialist government in power, it seemed like many were surprised. Afterall, Vote Compass never used the word socialist.

In the Mud and the Masterpeice, John Burke describes two models for decision making that we typically fall into. He claims we either make decisions based on identity or consequence.

The focus of identity based decision making is- this is who I am and what I believe to be true. In the given situation, what would someone with this identity do?

Consequence based decision making focuses on the possible outcomes. How could this end? What are the possible results? Are they positive or negative? How will they impact me?

I've heard on more than one occasion the statement, "politicians lie". So do people. (They are people after all.) While this may sound a tad harsh, the reality is complete election platforms are rarely delivered. We are all capable of communicating what we think people need to hear to get our desired result.

For the upcoming election, take the time to remember or determine your political identity. Which party best represents who you are and what you believe religiously, economically and politically? Consider what the party stands for and ask yourself, does who I am and what I believe in align with what the party fundamentally stands for? Vote based on the party, the platform and person.

I hope our next Prime Minister is voted in because of those reasons. Not because anyone was feeling mad at any one politician. Not because we voted out of spite. Not because we jumped on any bandwagon. Not because we picked a new favourite color for the week. Not because we heard a few promises that sounded good, but because we all looked closely at who we are, what we believe, what we stand for, and found the party that most accurately reflects all of those things.

I hope we find ourselves happily married (for most of the time) with the majors being upheld and delivered on.

I Don't Like This Road

There is a road we frequently travel on. It's the more direct way and less busy road into the city. It takes us to the ring road which is almost always guaranteed to be free of stop and go traffic. The drive offers a nice mountain view, sunsets at the right time of day and beautiful golden fields of canola at certain times of the year.

Not long ago, we were driving, and my toddler blurted out with some gusto, "I don't like this road! I only like Stoney Trail."

I glanced back in the rear view mirror a bit surprised. After all, how does a 3-year old even know what road we are on, let alone have an opinion about it?

I inquired, "Why don't you like this road?" 

Toddler logic proclaimed that Stoney Trail had more people on it, more houses to see and more cars to drive with. She couldn't quite specify what she disliked about the current road we were traveling on, but had her mind made up.

My reply was, "This road will take us where we need to go so we have to drive on it."

She made this declaration more than once, traveling this less preferred highway. I think it took a bit of convincing to realize there was no short cut to her road of choice and that it would in fact lead us straight to where she wanted to go.

I couldn't help but think there are some places we want to go in our lives and some end results that we desire. Better marriage. More intimacy. Less debt. More self-control. More joy. More authentic relationships. More God. Less selfishness. Less busyness. Greater contentment. Great kids.

Often when we are given directions to get there, (ie. God's Word and instruction to us), our response I want to get there but I would prefer if it were not this way. I don't like this road.

I told my little fireball that day, there are no shortcuts.

Lately, God has been impressing upon me this theme of walking in freedom and living abundantly. As I'm learning, there are no shortcuts, substitutions, or exemptions. He's given me a lot of instructions of how to get there, but I can't pick and choose what I'm going to follow if I want to get there. Obedience to the truth is the way.

I'll confess, I'm a bit of a quiet rebel. If I don't agree with or like something, I won't necessarily declare out loud (like my little one) I don't like this! I'll subconsciously exempt myself from it in thought, word or action.

This lovely paragraph hit me smack dab in the pride last night:

We often don't see our violation of God's principles as the way into the mess we are in, nor do we see obeying his principles as the way out. Adam and Eve overtly doubted God's rules and believed the serpent's temptation of, "Did God really say that?" and "Surely you will not die." We don't do that out loud. Our doubting is much more subtle, and subconscious, but deadly nevertheless. (Henry Cloud)

I'm not always aware of my own rebellion which makes it hard to admit. What I tend to see is, I'm just trying to find a different way. These shortcuts I'm tempted to take aren't new. In fact, they typically follow the same pattern as the original temptation. I'm just not adept at recognizing it when it happens.

Did God really say, wives respect your husbands? Surely it won't kill your marriage if you don't do it all the time. Only do it when you feel he is deserving. Surely nagging and disrespecting him is the way to provoke change and get what you want. It won't kill his spirit or cause your marriage to suffer.

Did God really say, do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth but only what is useful for building others up that it may benefit those who listen. Surely it won't suffocate your relationships and tear down those you love if you give them a piece of your mind every once in a while.

Did God really say, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you? Surely your heart will be unaffected if you harbor unresolved anger, unforgiveness and bitterness towards those closest to you.

No matter how subconscious this process, it's still all a lie.

I can go about it buffet-style, applying what I want when I want, or I can realize that the truth applies to every situation and relationship. My toddlers. My husband. The people I work with. Adding a bit of humour doesn't exempt me. Having my feelings hurt doesn't exempt me. Feeling frustrated or justified doesn't exempt me.

Obedience to the truth is the road I must travel if I want the kind of relationships God intended for me, with Him and with others.

Stoney Trail, here we come

There are no shortcuts to the good life. Obedience to truth is the way to freedom and abundant life.

The relationships and circumstances that God calls you to are a necessary part of the process in bringing you back to life.

If you stick on the road less pleasing and less traveled for long enough, you may eventually find yourself on Stoney Trail.

*Would you believe that I stopped in the middle of the road, put my vehicle in park and took these photos? Hubby didn't either. Work in progress... 

Let's Get Uncomfortable.

I recently finished reading a book that made me increasingly uncomfortable with every page I turned. I highly recommend it. Seriously.

I've learned that part of this journey of stumbling toward maturity is learning to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It's not a natural response. We want the quick release Advil and the path of least resistance. I may conquer my desire for quick fixes and instant solutions for my discomfort. 

The problem with that is that God, with His unyielding desire to make me more like Jesus, is not into band-aids and medicating wounds. He's in it for the long haul. He's into healing. The real kind. The kind of healing that leads you to wholeness.

"Unfortunately for most of us, nobody was there when we received our first wound. So we just carried it around with us, determined not to let it happen again. By adolescence, we all had wounded hearts.  Between the little jabs from friends, our parents, our teachers, our coaches, and our adversaries at school, there was no way to avoid it." 

(Andy Stanley, Enemies of the Heart) 

Enter the book, "Enemies of the Heart." Mr. Stanley kindly addresses the ugly yet often well-hidden realities that lie in the closet of our wounded hearts. Closet not the backyard clothesline. We can forget they are even there until we get poked or knocked over causing what's deep down to start spilling out everywhere. He explores four destructive emotions that we tend to harbor that have the power to infiltrate our lives and wreak havoc on our closest relationships. Guilt, anger, greed and jealousy. My initial thoughts were (as maybe yours are too) maybe a couple of those apply to me. I didn't realize I was in for a real honest treat, a quadruple dose of one to be exact. 

As I continued reading, God kept right on stirring my heart with his giant wooden spoon. This wasn't an overly pleasant experience. A lot of stuff was kicked up, most of which I didn't realize was there in the first place. There were a few weeks where my mind felt like it was overwhelmed on overdrive as I processed all the things I was realizing were in my heart; how they got there and how they'd already affected relationships. There was the night I was a complete emotional wreckage. Thank goodness for friends who listen to you even when you can't formulate a sentence. Stir, stir, stir. Not fun.

You might be thinking, and I'm supposed to want the same? There's good news too.

God was doing something. He was stirring up the guilt, anger, greed and jealousy because He wanted continue the process of ridding me of them. Without realizing it, those emotions were occupying space. Which meant they were taking up the space of something else that could be there instead. Peace. Forgiveness. Freedom. Contentedness. Love. Joy. Gratitude.

One more thing to be aware of: We can be stirred, but never changed. The fine print: Being stirred doesn't guarantee being changed. God can take a book like this and stir up things in your life, not because He delights in making you uncomfortable, but because He delights in putting broken pieces back together. He delights in restoring relationships. He delights in seeing you realize the million dollar debt He's forgiven you of which enables you to turn around forgive the five dollar debt owed to you. He delights in seeing you become more like Him. He delights in continuing the completing work He began.

It's probably not fun for the coal to be under the intense pressure, but it is necessary if it's to become a diamond. Likewise, gold probably doesn't enjoy the heat of the refining fire, but that it what is needed to clear away all the impurities. There's pain in the process, but it's about the end result.

You can read this book (or any other book for that matter) but get too uncomfortable with the stirring (also known as refining) process, that you decide change is too hard. It's not the book that will change you (though it may help!). It's the posture of surrender towards a loving God that says, no matter how uncomfortable this gets, I'm going to let you have your way with me.

So, let's get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Ask Him to stir you, because that's often when God does some of His finest work.

And if you want some practice, read "Enemies of the Heart."

Learning to Walk: Be a Barney

I posted many months ago about what God was teaching me about Learning to Walk in my journey with Him. As promised, the series is indefinite and completely spontaneous, but here's a little bit of something resembling a part 2. My ideal self would have this organized like a chapter book but my real self is gluing together an abstract collage, in no particular order. 

I was listening to a devotional on a rare solo and quiet drive the other day. The verse and insights the author shared stirred my heart. The Lord spoke these to Joshua as he was about to lead the Israelites to the promised land in Joshua 1:9 and He was also speaking to me about learning to walk, or better yet, what I'm to do while walking. 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

The author pointed out that fear and discouragement are two of the biggest challenges we face in our spiritual journey. To discourage is to cause someone to lose confidence, hope, spirit, enthusiasm whereas to encourage someone, is to inspire confidence, hope, spirit and enthusiasm. 

Imagine you're learning to run. It's awkward looking because you've never done it before. Someone comes alongside you and says, you're doing it wrong. That's not how you're supposed to run. Why would you run like that? Look at all the people around you. Run like them. I don't understand why this is so difficult. 

To say you would feel discouraged would be generous. I'd go with deflated. 

But imagine, you're learning to run. It's awkward looking because you've never done it before. Someone comes up beside you and asks how're you doing. They say, I started out just like you. Along the way, I've learned to focus on lifting up my feet instead of pounding on my steps. It decreases the impact on my lower joints. If I keep my arms slightly bent at a ninety degree angle and don't cross the mid-line of my body, I save energy. When I bend slightly forward at the waist, I can use gravity to my favor. They slap you on the back and press on.   

God pointed out that He has called me to be an encourager, an infuser of courage, not a highlighter of error. On any journey, whether marriage, relationships, motherhood, walking with the Lord, we all need encouragement. We want if there's a better way and how to get there without feeling like a complete failure. That person learning to walk, they need to be infused with courage. They need to be assured of His love, reminded of His presence and that He is the great I Am.     

My little Boo is now learning to talk. Tonight I heard a mini kerfuffle before she ran into the room and said with wide eyes, "I made messy mummy!" Lately we've been working on cleaning up. She knows what to do. She wasn't coming to me so that I could tell her she'd made a mess and she shouldn't have. She knew what needed to be done but needed a bit of encouragement and wanted me with her. When we re-entered her room she, looked at me and said, "Meen-up?" Yes, I said. We are going to clean it up.

So today, as you walk, be a Barney (Barnabas means "one who encourages"). I'd be willing to bet you won't need to look far to find someone who needs to be in-couraged. 

Lord, work your grace deep into our hearts so that encouragement overflows. When people leave our presence, may they feel confident in your love for them and  your presence in their circumstance, hopeful about your work in their lives, and enthusiastic about the spiritual adventure that lay ahead. 

The Storm Before the Calm

Only 6 short weeks and 1 day ago, I was enjoying a good night's rest when I awoke at 6:00 AM to realize that I was in fact, not going to be pregnant forever and, there was a good chance I was going to be meeting my baby that same day. I headed downstairs to find a distraction from the pain. Organizing my pantry seemed like the best idea.

Around 7:30, my husband came downstairs. He looked at me and then the newly organized pantry and then back at me and suspiciously asked, "What are you doing?"

"Organizing the pantry." (Obviously. What else is there to do early on a Saturday morning when one is in labor?)

"Why?"

"Because I needed a distraction."

Then I started breathing through a contraction and simultaneously, a look of alarm went off in his eyes.

"So I should probably cancel my tee time?"

"Well, if this labor is faster than the first, you might still make it."

Within a couple of minutes, I was on the phone with the midwife and he was quickly cleaning the bathroom (the final pre-baby task).

The promised result of pushing
through the pain

There came a point when the contractions hit an intensity that cured my amnesia from the pain of my first delivery. I was thinking to myself, Oh my... I remember now. How am I going to get through this? As the memories of the pain that was on the horizon came flooding back, I paused and prayed, Oh God, please get me through what is coming. Thank you that you will.

Labor is the most physically painful thing I have ever experienced. I recall this one contraction that hit. I just started screaming and felt like smashing things Hulk style. It just felt right and there weren't many other options for expressing myself at that moment.

Our 9lb bundle of joy 

Then one of the midwives said, "Try not to scream" to which I chose to follow the, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" rule. She continued. "If you scream, you won't have a voice to talk to your baby tomorrow and you're actually just wasting your energy. Instead try to bear down and use that energy to push."

I figured since it was only my second time, and she had been down this road a few more times than that, my best bet was to follow her advice. I also didn't want the whole lovely experience to last any longer than necessary. The next thing I remember is her saying, "Here's your baby." The pain that I thought would never end ended and I looked down to see my reward.

Beth Moore defined dread as assuming we won't have the grace we need for the moment. That morning I had a few moments of dread when the intensity of my pain increased before it quickly dawned on me that the increasing pain meant I was going to meet my baby soon. It wasn't going to last forever and there would be the most worthwhile "push present" ever.

The words of the midwife lingered in my mind for a while after. "You're just wasting your energy... instead... use it..." The reality dawned on me that screaming or choosing to "waste" my energy wouldn't shorten the painful process I was experiencing. Unfortunately, it would in fact lengthen it. It would be like floundering in the water when you know how to swim and have been told the finish line is close by. She was giving me instructions because she knew there was a better way.

There are alternatives to dread and  floundering I want you to consider and remember.

One happy big sister

Instead of dread, stretch forward. In faith, thank Him ahead of time for what He has promised to provide. After my dad passed away,  I remember dreading the holidays when the family would gather. I feared the giant void that would be there. However, I also remember saying, God, I trust that you will see us through. And He did. As I'm often still tempted to dread certain things or situations, I know God to be faithful and his different gifts of grace to be exactly what each challenge requires.

What are you tempted to dread today? It may not be pain, but maybe it's a finances, a relationship or lack of, or a difficult situation where you have already assumed you won't have what you need. Stretch forward in faith instead. This is Jesus we're talking about. He overcame DEATH. He can handle our present challenges!

Instead of floundering, push through. Take the advice of the One who knows a better way. We weren't made to or left to just flounder in the challenges of this life. God knows what we need. The existence of whatever challenges you face is not contingent on you choosing to trust and obey. The ability to get through in one piece is.

Getting acquainted

There is actually one thing I remember the midwife saying between the "stop screaming" and "here's your baby." She said, you can either wait for the next contraction or give another big push. The choice seemed obvious. I just remember yelling, "No, now!" Why anyone would want to wait for another minute of never-ending agonizing pain was beyond me.

I'm sure you would feel the same. Don't dread. Don't flounder. There's a better way. Grab onto th
e promises of God, stretch forward, and push through.

When you come face to face with your faith becoming sight, there is great joy!

My handsome little man. 7 days later the amnesia has
almost settled back in