How Much Longer?

Last April, Mike and I participated in Step Out for Lupus where they offered a choice between a 5k run and a 3k walk. As I was aiming to prepare for the 8k ALS Run only 6 few weeks after, I decided this would be a good stepping stone and motivator, and of course for great cause and in support of a friend.

Nike has come up with this fantastic invention that magically communicates between your shoes and your iPhone, allowing you to track your distance, time and speed. Anytime you want to know where you’re at, you can just hit the home button, and it will immediately give you a mini progress report. With that information you can keep on, speed up, or slow down depending on your goal. I didn’t have this fabulous contraption on me that day. I had figured that the course would be marked out.

Being 18 weeks pregnant, I wasn’t trying to break any records, just get it done, preferably without walking or collapsing. I started off slow in order to pace myself and make sure I didn’t run out of gas before the end. As I was running, I started looking for signs so I could give myself a much needed pep talk about how far I’d come and how I was almost to the finish.

I kept running. No signs. Just more path. I approached someone who resembled the closest thing to an official race person. They were holding an arrow telling me that I was, at the very least, heading in the right direction. As I approached, I breathlessly asked, “Do you know how much longer?” They looked confused which confused me. Simple question, right? They shrugged and said, “You’re on the 5k route!” Thanks tips. 

Never mind, I’ll ask the next person. I continued running.

Not too long after, I saw another person holding an arrow, again telling me to keep going in the same general direction.

“Do you know how much longer?”

“You’re on the 5k route!” Shrug. Smile.

Wow, thanks. Does no one here know what’s going on?

By this point, our friend Dan had caught up to me. His goal was to “at least” keep up to the pregnant lady and that he did. We were getting a little weary and were trying to guesstimate how much longer. I knew that this day was probably particularly difficult for him so my focus shifted from my own fatigue to making sure he didn’t give into his.  

I managed to huff and puff a few words. You’re doing great. Hang in there. She’d be so proud of you right now. You can do this.

As we were both growing increasingly weary, unsure of how much of the journey was behind us, and how much we still had left, we continued to pace ourselves, slow and steady. We had just crossed the second bridge when I looked up and was surprised to see what looked like the finish line.

There was no containing my excitement. With the new knowledge that we were just about there, I picked up speed and challenged him to do the same. The realization that we were so close to the end gave me the extra surge I needed to finish well. We crossed the finish line and I couldn’t help but think, if only I’d know we were so close, maybe I could’ve run a little faster!

A couple of weeks after the run, I was feeling particularly tired. You may have experienced something similar. Not the tired that can be corrected with a night of good sleep but a weariness of the soul. I found myself asking God, how much longer?

This season of my life has brought more challenges that don’t seem to have a finish line in sight. I’m a doer. I like to have a start and a finish. But instead there are only arrows telling me to continue on this same path.

I found myself lying on the couch one Friday night having a very intense cry as the reality of the “marathon” likeness of life sunk in. When you’re used to a series of short distances, a marathon can be daunting. Parenting (though I absolutely adore it) has no real finish line. Each day has a start and a finish but I don’t get to check it off my to-do list. It’s going to a wonderful but long haul. A few friends of mine were facing some very intense hardships without a finish line in sight. Real life. Sometimes we can bear down and endure when we know we’re just about to the finish.  But what about when you’re growing weary and there's no end in sight?

I was suddenly very aware that I’d been trying to run on my own very limited and easily worn out strength. I’d been relying on my “reserves” and not going to the well of living water each day to get my fill. In trying to be a teacher, I’d forgotten to be a student. In trying to make sure everyone around me was getting what they needed, I’d forgotten to stay still long enough to let God nourish my soul. I was in the middle of a race, out of gas, and the finish line was no where in sight.

In the days and weeks that followed, God reminded me of His solution from Isaiah 40:28-32:

Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

I felt like he was saying, I know you’re tired, but you need to know that I’m not. I don’t get tired or weary and I will give you MY strength. If you hope in me, I will renew your strength so you can not just walk, but run and soar without becoming faint.

I thought back to the run I had recently completed. As per His usual, God was piecing together a nice lesson for me through these events.

1.       We need people to run alongside, but we also need those to run alongside us. It might sound the same but it’s not. I was growing tired in that race, but as soon as Dan came alongside me, my focus shifted from my tired legs to being a cheerleader. It didn't change the task that lay before me in the slightest but as I started to encourage him and think about what a challenge that day must have been for him, my course seemed to pale in comparison. God places people in our lives to pour into and walk alongside but it doesn't exempt us from needing someone to do the same for us. My pastor was preaching around the same time about making sure that you have those in your life that you’re pouring into, but also those who are pouring into you. Of course, God is the ultimate cup filler, but if you don’t have anyone who’s pouring into you- spiritually and emotionally, ask Him to send someone!  

2.       He has marked out my race and He has and IS what I need for the journey. He’s never surprised by what life brings my way. After all, He brings it my way! He knows what’s ahead, what I will need and how I might be tempted to get off course. In some seasons he gives me constant feedback, like my lovely Nike app, but in other seasons, He may choose to be quiet, possibly to exercise my faith. When I ask how much longer, He gives me is a little arrow which tells me keep going in this general direction and reminds me to make regular pit stops at His bottomless fueling station. I don't need to be able to see the finish line in order to run the race well. I just need Him. He has strength and understanding that will not run out, no matter how long the journey, that He is ready and willing to give it to me. Why not go?

3.       Running on my own strength always ends the same way. This one definitely isn't rocket science but for some reason, I keep having to learn it over and over again. I so badly want to run with perseverance the race marked out for me but I cannot do it on my own. But I suppose that’s the whole message of the gospel. I never can on my own. That’s why I need Jesus. In His death and resurrection He has provided for my every need. I’m continually made aware that I can’t. He can. I’m not. He is. I run out. He is always enough. I am weak. He is strong.

Weariness is something we all experience but there’s a couple of ways we deal with it. Sometimes we find a temporary fix, wallpaper it over and move on, never truly finding rest for our soul. There’s a much better alternative. Cry out to Jesus first. It is the only place you will truly find rest for your soul. That night during my uncontrollable cry, my poor hubby was trying to figure out what was wrong. I tried to explain that I wasn't even entirely sure yet! He offered to cancel his plans and stay home but as tempted as I was to take him up on that offer, I knew that what I first needed was a filling of the presence of God. Nothing else would truly satisfy my soul, but of course, I welcomed a hug!

Confess your need for Jesus. Believe that renewed strength comes from placing your hope in the Lord. Believe that He gives strength to the weak. Believe and trust that no matter how long or difficult the journey is that you’re on, He has the ability to make you soar.

Matthew 11:28-30

²⁸ ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’

Hebrews 12:1-2

“Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. 

Just Make Progress

Earlier tonight, I had the privilege of hearing a church planter share the exciting things that God is doing through his church. He talking about how frequency is important with getting the word out when he went and used a blogging analogy which immediately made me hide my face."It's like blogging. You can't just blog once in a while. It's all about frequency. Otherwise, what happens?" 

Immediately a few people in the room (who happen to be related to me) simultaneously cast knowing glances in my direction as I hid behind my paper, and thought, I know the answer to this one. They stop reading! 

Later on this evening I was folding laundry and feeling guilty about my lack of blogging frequency. I was thinking, I really need to sit down and finish those three blog posts I started a month ago when God tapped me on the shoulder as He usually does when I'm swimming in a sea of excuses.

I have a confession. When I fail to blog, it's usually I get stuck in a little rut of perfectionism. I used to just sit down and write the first thing that came to mind. Then I'd hit publish. That's what blogging's supposed to be right? Just get your thoughts out there informally. 

But a funny thing happened when a few people told me they actually read my rambling. I returned to the writing process of grade 9 language arts. Outline.. rough draft... edit... second draft... find pictures... reread... reread... edit... shorten... get to the point. That all has to happen before I can hit publish. Unfortunately, that process often takes an unnecessary amount of time and kind of defeats the purpose of blogging. 

In the meantime, God has continued to lay things on my heart to write about but they're getting backlogged in the unnecessary process of perfectionism, (and maybe a tad of everyday life!) 

As I stood there folding, I could feel Him saying, just make progress. I will make it perfect. I was reminded of a quote I read a while back out of "Unglued," by Lysa TerKeurst. She writes:

"What kept me from making changes was the feeling that I wouldn't do it perfectly. I knew I'd still mess up and the changes wouldn't come instantly. Sometimes we girls think if we don't make instant progress, then change isn't coming. But that's not so, there is a beautiful reality called 'imperfect progress.'... Imperfect changes are slow steps of progress wrapped in grace... So, I dared to write this in my journal: 

Progress. Just make progress. It's okay to have setbacks and the need for do-overs. It's okay to draw the line in the sand and start over again- and again. Just make sure you're moving the line forward. Move forward. Take baby steps but at least take steps that keep you from being stuck. Then change will come. And it will be good."

Here's the thing. There are lots of different things God has called each us to do. Sometime's we're a bit like Noah (God said, Noah did) and other times we are a bit more like Jonah (God said, Jonah didn't) but we have less obvious names for it. We call it busy, bad timing, imperfect or there's someone who can do it better rather than plain disobedience.

The reality is, whatever God calls you and I to do, He equips us for. He has a solution for each one of my excuses, but often we fail to believe Him. 

So I must ask- what thing are you putting off because you can't do it perfectly? Maybe it's a simple task, a relationship or a change you know you need to make in your life. I would be willing to bet that today God wants to give you enough to at least take a step forward, even if it's just a baby step. 

I so badly want to be a Noah. God said, she did. But if I'm being honest, it's a bit more like this: God said, she didn't. God said, she waited. God said, Stephanie saw something shiny... 

Change is important to me. Becoming more like Jesus is important to me. But sometimes I get discouraged because I want changes to happen at the same speed my iPhone charges at when it's out of battery. And it never does. It takes many steps of imperfect profess strung together.

Tonight, faced with the reality of my imperfect-ness, I just need to pray and say, God, forgive me for my excuses. Help me to make a little imperfect progress. Give me the faith to believe you're enough for whatever I lack and whatever you have laid before me.

I would invite you to do the same. Take a moment and pray. I would be willing to bet that He is ready and willing meet you where you're at, and to equip you for whatever He's put in your path next. 

Living Forward: Setting Up Camp (Part 5 of 5)

Some time has passed so let me quickly refresh you on part 1-4 of Living Forward. We are constantly faced with the choice between dwelling on the past and pressing on in the present. There are often mistakes, sins and stumbles as well as uncontrollable circumstances in our lives that tempt us to dwell and rehash the unchangeable past rather than keeping a forward perspective and asking God, what now? I shared with you a few stories of some forward live-ers I am blessed to know who are living proof that His presence in the present is enough. He is in the "is" not the if.  He guarantees to provide what we need if only we will come. The call to live forward is the call to live by faith and trust that He is enough. 

You may have been inspired by the lives of these individuals or at some point, perhaps someone you’ve come across on your own path. You may have been challenged. Their stories tug at our heartstrings but I believe God wants to give us so much more than a brief moment of hope. Temptation beckons us to settle for the momentary inspiration but miss out on the invitation to let the truth that connects their stories invade your heart and become a reality in your own life.

I would like to challenge you to ask God these two questions: What do these people who seem to not just survive, but thrive in the storms of life all have in common? Will you take me to that same place, where experiencing your presence in the present becomes the reality of my day to day living despite what kind of season I may find myself in?

Getting ready to leave the first world

After my dad’s diagnosis in May 2008, our family was blessed with a trip to the Philippines by a very generous friend. It was quite an experience for me, having never left the comforts of first world before. I was excited to see pieces of history from both my dad’s life and Mike’s, as well as spend some concentrated time with the whole family. Those times were precious given that we suddenly had a heightened awareness that our days together were numbered. I was thrilled to journey outside of North America but I must confess I was a little nervous as both the men in my life warned me of the potential “discomforts” and teased me about not lasting a day.

We spent 3 weeks in the beautiful Philippines. We spent many of the days traveling around, seeing many sights including beauty and poverty. We shopped and tried bargaining in the market. My attempts at speaking tagalog were laughed at by the locals. We felt the sweltering heat and humidity. We all felt the rumbling in our stomachs of things we ate that didn’t quite agree with our insides. Air conditioning was a rare but welcome jewel during the day unless we were in the vans.  

The bathroom by day

As much as we got to experience the atmosphere of the outdoor Philippines by day, Mike teased me that it wasn’t a “true” experience because no matter what each day brought- heat, indigestion, sweat and thirst- without fail, we would return each night to the comfort of our hotel with air-conditioning, cold bottled water to drink, hot running water to shower under, comfortable beds to sleep in and flushable toilets with toilet seats to sit on AND, bonus… toilet paper. I didn’t realize the last two were luxuries until we arrived there!

Our dwelling place made all the difference in that experience. Without the refuge of the hotel, my memories of that trip would’ve been very different to recount. Though it was a wonderful family time of treasured memories, my overall impression of the Philippines would’ve been greatly influenced had I not found rest every evening.  

What God brought to light as He reminded me of this story was the idea of dwelling. To dwell means to remain, stay or set up home.

We all know difficulty from experience on some level. “Everyone, at some point or another will deal with pain and hardship. The question is not if a difficult time will come, but when. When it comes, how will you respond?” (J.D. Greear, Presence). Where will you set up camp?

When my dad was diagnosed with ALS, God gave me such a longing to hear from Him. I'm the farthest thing from a morning person, but during that season, that desperation often had me up and out of bed before the sun. I remember one particular morning that He spoke to as loudly and clearly as ever from Psalm 91. From this passage, he gave me one of the foundational pieces for living forward in the storm:

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

As I`ve walked through a stormy season and watched others do the same, I`m convinced that this is one common thread that unites all those who choose to live forward and trust God’s presence in the present. Where you choose to dwell despite where you might `visit’ during the day determines what you will have to say about your storm and about the One who sometimes chooses to bring the rain.

The bathroom by night

God seems to desire to accomplish some of the sweetest work in our lives during stormy seasons, but sometimes get caught up in forgetting to forget the past and not dwell on the former things. We don’t take Him up on his promise of refuge. Our view is obstructed by things like caskets, voids and pain, and we forget to look up for the way out of the wilderness. Instead, we stand out exposed as the storm beats us up.

I spent a great deal of time “visiting” many questions and allowing the painful realizations to sink in. I remember waking up in the days after the diagnosis only to realize that it wasn’t a bad dream. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach would return as I realized that it was in fact reality, my dad was dying. I remember crying just thinking of what it would be like to visit home and not hear the sound of tools in the garage. I remember realizing that he was going to miss out on so much. Painful realizations. Ongoing challenges. Tough stuff.

What 10 minutes of basketball in
the heat and humidity looks like

But I knew if I set up camp there, hope would become something of the past instead of a continuing reality for the present and future.

In those painful moments, God would very quietly ask me, “Will you trust me?” Answering yes would not erase the pain or provide answers, but taking Him up on His offer would gently guide me back to the shelter of His love, faithfulness and promises.

I knew that saying no, whether or not the answer was intentional, was putting myself at risk. It meant dwelling on the “former” things and camping out in the wasteland. It would be like choosing to stand out in the sweltering heat and humidity of the Philippines, vulnerable to all of its effects, when all the while the refuge of the hotel was calling.  

Our first place of "refuge"

Sometimes we are tempted to camp out in the former things. The what if’s, why’s and if only’s. But the real shelter is only in His presence, the promises and the Word of the Most High. Anything else is counterfeit. The enemy would love for you to believe that you're somehow better off to keep him at arm`s length and try to navigate the storm by yourself, but it is a lie. It’s a cheap substitute for the real work God wants to accomplish in you. There is no rest, refuge or shelter to be experienced by standing out exposed. We can pitch a flimsy tent and barely survive the storm but it will beat you up. All the while the invitation to the shelter remains.

The storm will rage whether or not you and I chose to trust Him. But the continual invitation to faith leads down two very different roads. He’s always making a way, and doing a new thing, but trust me, it’s a lot easier to see from the Most High shelter. There you are promised to find rest, refuge, protection, His faithfulness, courage, and rescue. 

I leave you with the question: how will you respond when difficulty comes? Where will you set up camp? Don't wait for the storm to get to know the shelter. It's a lot easier to find your way there in the storm when you've gotten familiar with it in the calm. Get in the habit of making your dwelling place in His presence.

Continue to seek the Lord and ask Him to take you to the place where experiencing His presence in the present becomes the reality of your day to day living. I promise He wants to take you there today.

My Mama: Forward Living for a Few Decades (Part 4 of now 5)

I changed my mind again. Here we are in part 4 of 5. I had already started writing part 4 of 4, and was ready to tie it up, but then last Sunday was Mother’s Day. I found myself thinking, how could I be writing about this subject and not mention my mother? Allow me to share with you why.

As God has been stirring in my heart about forward living, it got me thinking about the front row seat to forward living I’ve watched closely for my entire life. When I think of trusting God’s faithfulness, seeing the new thing He is doing, not dwelling and pressing on, I cannot help but think of my mom.

In case you’re new to my story, my dad was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) in May of 2008. He was a healthy, active 60 year old, a godly father and husband, a loving Papa to two grandchildren at the time, a passionate basketball coach, a talented master mechanic, a fervent evangelist and caring pastor with a shepherding heart. The prognosis was 2-3 years, but the disease quickly took over every muscle in his body until he went to be with the Lord on August 17, 2009, only 15 short months after the diagnosis.

I blogged a lot about my dad and his life and journey during that time (you can see many posts at www.jessemoralesjourney.blogspot.ca) but as you can imagine, my mom’s life was drastically affected by the illness and most definitely in the aftermath of his death. She was his primary caregiver for those 15 months and had a front row seat to every change, every loss, and every challenge that the disease brought.

She continued to love him, she stayed true to her vows of “in sickness and in health” and patiently cared for him as they journeyed down that very difficult road.  Despite the difficulty, my mom has continued to walk faithfully and thankfully with God most definitely in a forward direction. She has been my ultimate example. She is what I hope to be when I grow up.    

As a child, I assumed my mom had always been the way she was- a godly, sweet, piano-playing, pastor’s wife who never says mean things about anyone. As I’ve gotten older and learned more of her journey with Jesus, her struggles and victories and many stories that evidence His redemptive power, I’ve grown in my appreciation toward her and my thankfulness to God.

In the last few months, I’ve had the privilege of walking with a few new believers. On separate occasions, they’ve both said to me, I just wish I’d been raised in a Christian home. That would make this life so much easier! While I know to count my blessings, I’ve also been able to encourage them by saying, God has to start somewhere in the family! He’s in the business of dramatic change. He changed my parents, He’s changed me and He can change you. From what I’ve heard, my mom would now be unrecognizable to those who knew her before coming to know Jesus. How’s that for living proof of a changed life? I have heard my mom say, I wish I had a different story, one with less painful decisions, but I’ve never seen her stop to dwell on the past long enough to keep her from the journey God has her on today. She says, my story is His story and whatever He chooses to do with it is fine with me.

Though I continue to be impressed with the work of God in her past, the thing that has and continues to resonate the most with me is how she continues to live forward through this leg of the journey without my dad by her side. His illness and death most definitely caught us all by surprise and left a giant void in each of our lives. But as much as I miss him and would give just about anything for him to be able to hold and play with Sophie, I can’t imagine what it must be like to live forward each day of your life without your partner and love of 25+ years.

I’ve seen her cry and struggle, I’ve seen her miss him and wish he was here, but I’ve never seen her allow the past to keep her from the present. She goes on by the strength that only God can provide and continues to do everything that God has called her to do with such grace. She continues to be a wonderful mother, grandmother, “pastor’s wife,” neighbor, friend and leader. When people ask me how she’s doing, I can honestly answer, as good as she possibly can be. She continues to press on and do exactly what God has called her to. I’ve had the privilege of hearing her share her story of how you can experience joy in the midst of pain, a few times over this last year, but more important I’ve watched her living it out.

Yes, there are still many tears. As I’ve mentioned before, forward living doesn’t exempt you from pain. There are many times we wish he was here, many moments to share as Papa and Grandma with adorable grandchildren that just make you ache at the thought of him missing and moments of his baby girl growing up, graduating high school and achieving goals in the basketball world that he would be SO proud of.

As the writer of Ecclesiastes said, there is a time to weep and mourn, but praise God, there is also a time to heal, laugh and dance. All of those times are in different legs of the journey, but are all part of living forward and pressing on with Jesus Christ.

I hope you have been encouraged, challenged and ministered to by these lives that evidence that living forward does not depend on favorable circumstances. The call to live forward is in the midst of pain, in the middle of the wilderness and in the blur of the unknown.

I believe that the call to live forward is also a call to live by faith. So many things in this life boil down to faith. Trust that He is enough for the mistakes of the past, the challenges of the present and the unknowns of the future. He is enough for your pain, your doubt, your weariness, and any other area of your life you feel short in. When we are weak, He is strong.

I promise I will finally wrap it up in part 5 with what I believe to a key ingredient to living forward no matter what sort of circumstance or stage of life you find yourself walking in.

In the meantime, will you take Him at His Word? Will you trust His presence in the present? Abundant life hangs in the balance. 

Forward Living in the Marathon (Part 3 of 4)

Every once in a while you meet someone who just oozes out sweetness. I am blessed with a friend like this. As our friendship grew, my husband said to me once, I bet she’s never gotten angry or said a mean thing in her life! She’s just that sweet.

Just over a year ago, she was experiencing some sudden symptoms that led her to believe that she might have diabetes. Off she went to the doctor to see if this could be confirmed. For whatever reason, she was sent on her way, without any testing, despite her advocating for herself. A few months later, she was delighted to learn that she and her husband were expecting. Unfortunately, her symptoms hadn’t stopped and early in her pregnancy she was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes.  

At the beginning, she was warned that this may have affected the baby’s development. They prepared themselves for the possibilities of what might lay ahead, but after many ultrasounds they were told the baby looked healthy.

Fast forward 9 months. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. When she delivered, they were surprised to learn of a few health complications that had not been observable on the ultrasound.

Her ears hadn’t formed properly and they weren’t sure if she would be able to hear. She had two small holes in her heart causing a murmur that would need further monitoring. One of the biggest challenges was she couldn’t open her jaw wide enough to eat and had to be put on a feeding tube. The doctors suspected she might have Goldenhar Syndrome so they many examinations of her brain, kidneys spine and eyes. They spent 8 days in the NICU while their precious new baby was being monitored.

The last few months have been saturated with doctor’s appointments, follow-ups, feeding challenges and learning about conditions and treatments. And this is not the exhaustive list.  

Remember, how she’s the sweetest thing ever? These things aren’t supposed to happen to those people.

I will confess, I was feeling a little fired up. Why didn’t the doctor test her for diabetes? Then her blood sugar would’ve been under control. What kind of doctor doesn’t test a person? What if… why… If only…

Even before God was impressing the lesson of living forward upon my heart, this friend was already living it out. Let me tell you… I have never seen a person handle a situation with SO much grace!  Here are a few things she had to say that left me completely wowed.

I have to remember that this isn’t someone’s mistake. God is completely sovereign.  As much as I want to protect her from all the hurt she might face because of these challenges, I know that God will somehow use this in her life.

As you can see living forward with Jesus Christ doesn’t exempt you from pain, hardship, suffering, crying or grieving in this life. I wish it did. It doesn’t make life easy. I really wish it did. It doesn’t mean things will always work out the way you’d hoped. It doesn’t mean life will suddenly decrease in difficulty. 

Trusting in God’s presence for your present guarantees you that you will have what you need, if only you will come. Here are just a few promises from God’s word where you can see, there is something He is calling us to do, and much he promises in return:

• “Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

• “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

• “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.” (John 6:35)

These literally just scratch the surface of the wonderful promises God has written to us in the Bible. I would encourage you to go and see for yourself all that he has promised us in this life.

I believe that sometimes we spend a bit longer than necessary sitting on the floor crying over our ruined “soup” wondering why God has left us and why He would let this happen.

I haven’t found anywhere in scripture where God invites me enjoy his omniscient view and allow me to see every behind the scenes detail of my life.  Yet, he has put out the invitation for me to trust Him with every detail of my life in the here and now.

There is great grace available when there is great need. I’ve seen people walk through such difficulty with such grace that you sit back and think, wow God. If you can get them through that, you can get anyone through anything. Unfortunately, I’ve also seen people walk down tough roads and just barely get by from day to day.

In both cases, there is anger, questioning, crying and mourning. I believe the difference between dwelling on the past and seeing the new thing lies where you choose to set up camp.  

My friend and her husband are true portraits of living forward. They are thankful. They love their little girl with everything in them. They completely trust that God will give them everything they need for this journey.

I’m sure they still ask questions. I know they still need strength and wisdom from God. I know they need prayer. Don’t we all? But they are living proof that God is doing a new thing. They are living proof that His presence in the present in enough.

Forward Living in the Flash Flood (Part 2 of Probably 4 now)

Recently, I was visiting my dear friend in the hospital after… you won’t believe this… 56 hours of labour. Not only was it two and a half days long, with many jaw-dropping details and horrors, but for the grand finale, the doctors had to use the vacuum and forceps to try to deliver the baby that resulted in pretty severe damage to her head. The day after she was born, she was taken by ambulance to a city hospital to be monitored for suspected brain damage. At the point of my visit, she was two days old and they were waiting for an ultrasound to determine if the delivery process had caused bleeding of the brain which could have resulted in permanent brain damage. Whew.

Soup is much easier to get over.

My mind was spinning to all the possibilities. What does this mean for my friend? What will this precious little baby’s future will look like? Why didn’t they do a C-section? Why didn’t someone take more precaution? I questioned the process and felt like screaming; all the while not realizing that my questioning and reasoning would do nothing to undo what had already been done.

The conversation continued. Who knows what would’ve happened if there had been a C-section? You can’t forget that’s major surgery as well. Plenty of complications can result from that route too. You can’t assume that would’ve been a better option. You don’t know.

But we’d like to think so wouldn’t we? Anything that isn’t our currently reality often seems like the better choice.

Then my friend’s mother-in-law interrupted my downward spiral of thinking with something I will never forget.  

Live forward. Even if she’s brain damaged, she’s a perfect gift from God. He is sovereign. You’ve got to live forward. She’s yours. You guys will love her. She’s perfect and you live forward.

As I let that truth soak in, my dialogue with the unchangeable past was quieted. But… Live forward. What if… ? Live forward.

I’m learning (present tense) that living forward is trusting God’s presence in the present. It’s choosing not to dwell on the past and to be paralyzed by that plaguing question, what if? It is trusting in God’s sovereignty when we want to blame human error. It is believing that no matter how hard the situation we face is, we are held in loving, capable and powerful hands.  

I was listening to a devotional by Jennifer Rothschild and the truth of her words further deepened the roots of this lesson in my heart. God’s presence is in the IS, not the IF. He is I AM. Not I wish… not I hope… not I think. I AM.

God called this scripture to mind- Isaiah 43:18-19:

Brooklyn heading home with a clean bill of health

¹⁸ “Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

I am thankful that God doesn’t just tell me to wipe my tears, stop my questions and get on it with already. In his mercy, He allows me to sometimes just “sit on the floor and cry” if I must. But his grace always invites me to more. He so badly wants me to choose abundant life. He wants me to see the new thing He is doing.

If you’ve ever seen a plant springing up, you know that you may only be able to see a tiny piece of what’s coming. But it’s enough to make you sure of it. He’s making a way for me to walk through wilderness and providing refreshment for what may feel like a wasteland in my life.

He wants us to trust that His presence is in our IS and that He is I AM. Always. Today. No matter what. And tomorrow too.

I am SO thankful that I can report sweet little Brooklyn was given a clean bill of health and sent home two days later. She is just about 3 weeks old and healing up, growing fast and keeping her new parents busy!

I have one more story for you in part 3… A journey that has only just begun and doesn't have a “finish line” so to speak. It’s a true testimony of living forward, one that requires a marathon type of trust. 

Living Forward (Part 1 of Most Likely 3)

Recently, I was making my first ever batch of cream of broccoli soup. Since soup is a bit of a process, I usually make big batches when I decide to embark on this challenge. That made what was to come that much worse.

Here I was in the midst of my first batch of cream of broccoli. We also happened to be in the middle of a 12- day cleanse, so with limited selections, there was no back-up plan for lunch.

Everything was boiled and ready so I took the next step and put everything in the blender. I had just hit the liquefy button, so I put my hand on the top of the lid to secure my contents when I heard the most terrible noise. The plastic insert on the lid had found its way into my soup with the help of my attempt to “secure” the goods. I had no idea what damage 2 seconds and a spinning blade could do to a piece of hard plastic.

There I was, standing in the kitchen, no back-up plan for lunch. My Wednesday Bible study participants are arriving in less than half an hour. Kitchen looks like a mini-tornado has swept through. I wouldn’t be surprised if I was still in my pajamas. It was that kind of day.

I slowly removed the lid engaging in a conversation with myself.

Maybe it’s in 1 or 2 big chunks that I can just take out. Then we can just pretend this never happened. Nope. One big chunk with several little chunks missing. Maybe I can just eat the soup really carefully and spit out the plastic chunks? Better not risk plastic poisoning or an ulcer. Maybe I can strain it? Did I mention the very small shards of plastic?

After about a minute of contemplating my options and realizing there really were none, the lamenting started.

If only I hadn’t turned it to liquefy! If only I hadn’t pushed so hard on the lid! Why did I have to ruin this? I don’t have time for this right now! Not to mention, I’m hungry!

The thought of sitting on the kitchen floor and crying was crossing my mind when I felt like God was tapping me on the shoulder.

It’s done. There’s nothing you can do about it. Move forward.

But… maybe I can… what if…?

You can’t change it. Move forward.

At that moment I was reminded of how often I spend time lamenting over things that are completely out of my control. All the while, God is reminding me that I can’t rewrite the past. I can’t change that season of my life. I can’t go back and be a better steward of my resources. I cannot undo what has been done. He prompts and invites me to accept his mercy and grace for the present, and move forward.

Yet, I’m a dweller. Instead of letting Him take me by the hand and continue on the path, I often want to just sit down and lament a while. I’m not sure why I feel like it’s a good use of my time to dialogue with myself about what cannot be changed. Yet for some reason, I find myself doing in. Often. I replay scenarios. I think, if only I had done that differently. What if I’d obeyed God right away? Did I invest my time and energy into the right thing? Could something have been different?

Rather than the what if's and if only's, He invites me to seek Him with the living forward question, what now God? In spite of what has just happened, what do you want me to do now? He always has an answer for that one. A good one. 

There was a lesson for me in my ruined batch of soup, but I must confess, moving on from a ruined recipe is much easier than some of the challenges that life brings our way.

Stay tuned. I will be sharing with you two much more serious challenges to live forward recently faced by dear friends of mine with precious babies. Trust me, you will be challenged, encouraged and blessed by their stories.